Monday, March 26, 2012

Academic standards at UK universities on the decline ...

I suspect that a high percentage of my students have walnuts for brains.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

This is so utterly, utterly, utterly wrong! ...

The manager of Stoke City football club, Tony Pulis, avoided a driving ban today (a ban he so richly deserved) when his lawyer put forward the extraordinarily absurd argument in court that if Pulis were to lose his driving license, it could result in the club being relegated and this could affect the livelihoods of the people who have invested in it.

Fuck me!

The man was clocked doing 96 mph in a 60 mph zone, and as he already had 12 points on his license, he should have received an automatic driving ban.

But as we (and Mr Bumble) know, the law is an ass and doesn't always apply to rich fucks like royalty, rock stars, movie stars, sports stars, politicians and, it would seem, managers of football clubs.

Pulis earns around £1m a year and could easily afford a chauffeur, but he claims that a chauffeur might discover club secrets and leak them to competitors.

Ever heard of taxis, Tony?


People who earn £1m a year can afford to buy cars with sound-proof partitions.

This guy didn't just take his own car for a high-speed ride, he also took the UK legal system for a high-speed ride, and the judge (who should now be sacked) let him off the hook with a miserable £2,500 fine (even though Pulis now has 15 points on his licence and should not be driving on public roads where he is obviously a danger to others).

And just to add salt to the wound, Pulis's top-of-the-range BMW didn't cost him a penny. It was given to him by Knights, a local motor dealer.

Can you fucking believe the cheek of it!

For the record, I'm not against rich people who have earned their riches honestly or won millions on the lottery. I'm against rich people being allowed to bend the law and walk away scot-free when ordinary, less privileged people would have the book thrown at them.

It's a fucking disgrace!

(Photograph: Barry Coombs/EMPICS Sport)

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

What should and shouldn't be news? ...

I feel as bad as the the next guy that Fabrice Muamba suffered a cardiac arrest during a match a few days ago, and I'm truly delighted that he's pulling through. The thing is, I hate football and I had never heard of Fabrice Muamba until the media went completely over the top (as it does in the UK) and decided that Muamba's misfortune should be brought to our attention morning, noon and night.

Look at yesterday's news headlines from Yahoo UK. Three of them are about Muamba, one is about another footballer who, again, I've never heard of before, and a fifth is about a stabbing incident at a boxer's home (which I actually couldn't care less about). This means that half of yesterday's headlines were devoted to events relating to sport.

Isn't there a sport's section for that kind of stuff?

School Shooting Gun Same As Other Attacks
School Shooting: Hunt For Gunman And Motive
Bolton Player Muamba 'Starts Speaking'
NotW 'followed murder probe police'
PM sets out transport network plans
Premiership Stars Visit Muamba In Hospital
Man Admits Making Racist Muamba Tweets
Man Arrested Over Stabbing At Boxer's Home
Bid to block NHS reforms fails
Star distraught after father dies

As I said earlier, it's great that Muamba is on the road to recovery. I wish him and his family well and I hope that one day soon he will be able to lead a normal life and play football again. But should the fact that other footballers are visiting him in hospital really be headline news? I think not. After the main event, this is the sort of information that only sports fans would find interesting.

I'm also (naturally) sorry that another footballer is distraught because his father died, but I'm baffled as to why the media should think that this is an important news item (or even a news item at all).

And why the hell do they call him a "star"?

It's really quite bizarre!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

There are no words to describe this appalling act ...

The U.S. soldier who is accused of massacring 16 villagers in Afghanistan this week is Staff Sergeant Robert Bales.

A veteran of four tours, he apparently walked off his base in southern Afghanistan on Sunday and shot dead 16 civilians, including nine children and three women.

Surely someone must have noticed that he was about to blow.

Why did no one say anything?

That's him on the left with the stupid grin on his face!

Sick bastard! (literally)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Pussy Riot In Jail (no, it's not what you think!) ...

Two members of the Russian female punk band, Pussy Riot (yes, 'Pussy Riot'!), have just been jailed for praying to the Virgin Mary to deliver the nation from Vladimir Putin.

Apparently, the band seized the pulpit in Moscow's Christ the Saviour Cathedral and chanted "Mother Mary, drive Putin away." (LOL)

The girls were immediately removed by security guards and two of them were arrested on charges of hooliganism. They face up to seven years in jail.

Putin, who is now President for the third time, said that the performance was "unpleasant for all believers".

"Believers" in what? Him or the Virgin Mary?

The band achieved notoriety in January for performing an anti-Putin song in Red Square.

Church and state are separate in Russia, but the Russian Orthodox Church (like all fairy-story-lovin' religious bodies around the world) claims to set moral guidelines for society (assholes!).

This has quite rightly caused a great deal of concern among atheists in Russia.

(Adapted from a report by the Associated Press)


Get this: According to Yahoo Lifestyle, in the USA, the Food and Drug Administration allows for “natural defects” by permitting a certain amount of bugs and rodent hair to be present in food products. For example, chocolate products may contain an average of 60 insect fragments and one rodent hair per 100g, while citrus fruit juice can contain one maggot per 250ml.


(Photo acknowledgement: Times Photos: Chef Gracer slices water bugs at the Richmond food fair. These six-legged creatures have four times as much iron as beef,29307,1809649,00.html#ixzz1p6CFBU49)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What on earth ... !

Surely there's no way that any of these stooges could actually beat Obama and become President of the United States, is there?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

He's just had a holiday in Belize; now Prince Harry has begun a tour of Brazil. Who the fuck is paying for all this?!

So he's third in line to the throne! So what!

Now that his Diamond Jubilee (what the fuck!) tour of the Caribbean has ended, the royal playboy is having a 3-day 'holiday' in Brazil, which is apparently intended to foster closer relations between the two countries.

According to Sky News, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office asked him to promote British interests in Brazil. This can only mean that the UK tax payer is footing the bill yet again.

Recession? What recession?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Useful to know: Women who have just finished ovulating are better at detecting snakes than at other times of their menstrual cycle

Nobuo Masataka of Japan's Kyoto University has just  wasted a great deal of money (only in my opinion, of course) testing healthy women of child-bearing age at three different phases of their menstrual cycle.

Mr Masataka, on the other hand, obviously believes that his research is worthwhile. After all, women in their menstrual cycle often run into poisonous snakes during the course of their day. It's one of those hazards that you simply have to get used to when you go shopping at your local supermarket.

The test involved showing the women nine pictures: one, a snake among flowers, and the others, only flowers.

Masataka wanted to know how quickly the women could spot the snake.

Apparently, the ones who spotted it the fastest were those in the 'luteal' phase of their menstrual cycle - the stage that immediately follows ovulation.

Masataka believes that his study supports theories that we have an in-built "fear reflex" (I knew that without spending a small fortune on pointless research).

In other words, humans have an innate response to threat signals such as poisonous snakes, lions, tigers, stampeding elephants, shop assistants and religious people (especially Jehovah's Witnesses and Creationists).

The paper was published on Thursday in the British journal Scientific Reports.

(Adapted from an AFP article on Yahoo News: Hisss and hers: 'When women are best at spotting snakes')

Thursday, March 8, 2012

BREAKING, EARTH-SHATTERING, LIFE-CHANGING, SLEEP-DEPRIVING NEWS: Prince Harry names a new road in Belize after his grandmother

No Picture?


Because despite what the press would have us believe, very few people - even monarchists - really give a fuck!

Yet another birthday boy: SPAM ...

This week celebrates 75 years since the sale of the first can of Spam in 1937.

In the 1940s, it gained popularity as a convenient and economical source of protein. These days, it's seen as an incredibly tasty, but pretty unhealthy, chunk of processed junk food.

I love it!

(Photo acknowledgement: Kimberly Whitaker at

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

And now for something completely different: Oreo celebrates its 100th birthday ...

Yes, Oreo - the best selling cookie in the USA - is a century old.

This is how it happened:

In 1898, several baking companies merged to form the National Biscuit Company (NaBisCo), and in 1902 they created Barnum's Animal cookies.

In 1912, Nabisco came up with the idea of a cookie made with two chocolate disks and a creme filling in between. It was the first Oreo cookie and it looked very similar to the Oreo cookie of today except that lard was used in the original filling (yuck!). Since 2006, all classic-format cookies have been made with non-hydrogenated vegetable oil.

And how did the unusual name come about?

No one at Nabisco knows. Some think that it derives from the French word for gold, 'or' (the main color on early Oreo packages). Others think that it comes from one of the early hill-shaped test version of the cookie ('Oreo' is the Greek word for mountain). It's also possible that the word was created by combining 're' from 'cream' and placing it between the two 'o's in 'chocolate' - making 'o-re-o' (but I think that's pushing it a bit).

Regardless of how it got its name, over 362 billion Oreo cookies have been sold since it was first introduced in 1912, and they can be bought in over 100 countries around the world.

The excellent photo above can be found at in the 'Living' category. If the photographer sees this, please leave a comment so that I can acknowledge you.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A McDonald’s Chicken McNugget said to resemble George Washington has sold for $8,100 (£5,134) on eBay

The philosopher Harry Frankfurt claimed in a recent book that “one of the most salient features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit".

Even Friedrich Schiller, 200 years ago, despaired that “against stupidity, even the gods contend in vain”.

In a nutshell, the world's biggest problem is idiocy.

Now some brainless dickwad with more money than sense has bought a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget that supposedly (judge for yourselves) resembles George Washington for $8,100 in an Online auction.

Friggin' moron!

May it rapidly rot into a ball of mould!

Athletes warned not to shake hands ... (absurd!)

Apparently, the British Olympic Association's chief medical officer, Dr Ian McCurdie, has ordered British athletes not to shake hands (either before or during the 2012 Olympic Games) in case they catch a bug that could ruin their chances of taking part or winning a medal. He believes that athletes could easily pick up a harmful virus in the "stressful environment" of the Games.

The Dog's Cojones says: Despite its undeniable benefits, the Internet has already created a generation of socially inept morons who hide themselves away for hours (if not days) at a time while they lose themselves in the murky, social-networking world of roleplay (including ultra-violent gaming) and false friends. Now we are being told that shaking hands will make us ill. Maybe we should also hold our breath when we get too close to other people. In fact, why don't we just wrap ourselves in cocoons and cut out physical contact altogether!

Britain: the ultimate nanny state!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Ben Summerskill, chief executive of gay, lesbian and bisexual charity Stonewall, said: "Our strong advice to anyone who disagrees with same-sex marriage is not to get married to someone of the same sex." In my opinion, probably one of the most intelligent comments ever :)

'Sunflower Seeds' by Chinese artist Ai Weiwei bought by Tate Modern for a ridiculous, undisclosed sum of money ...

... and this happens while millions of people all over the world are starving to death. What a perverse species we are!

I don't give a damn if Prince Harry has just visited Belize! I'm sick and tired of financing the fun and games of the super rich - namely the British royal family!

Such a shiny, happy face ... and he's all dressed up in his military fancy dress costume.