Sunday, July 25, 2010

The British are such assholes in so many ways - but especially when it comes to alcohol

I read this blog entry on Yahoo today. It was written by a comedian called Mark Watson. I've never heard of him before because I don't have a TV and I rarely listen to the radio, but apparently he's very well know in the UK. What he says is so close to my own sentiments that I've decided to paste the entire text here (unabridged). You should read it. This guy speaks the truth:


Mark Watson's News Blog

This week I'm annoyed 

Sun Jul 25 07:00AM

By Mark Watson

Five years after the Government decided that the people of this country, like pretty much everyone else in the world, could be trusted to drink beyond the magically late hour of 11pm, the new rulers of the nation have reversed the decision. Once again, late licences will be almost impossible to come by and drinking will be confined to the end-of-work-until-11pm slot, rather than being spaced out over a night as happens in France, Italy, Spain and everywhere else in Europe where people are capable of acting like adults. The Daily Mail celebrated 'victory' this week as they broke the news. At last, a return to civilization! No more of that awful freedom to enjoy oneself which has brought the country to its knees. No more of those illegal immigrants and spongers propping up the bar at midnight. With a return to our traditional, pathetic drinking hours, we can return to what made our country great.

This infuriates the hell out of me for two reasons. The first is that - as someone who normally finishes work the wrong side of 11 - I don't like being told I can't get a glass of wine in a pub after a gig, because certain people don't understand phrases like 'only drink what you can take' and 'try not to headbutt that man in the face because he looked at your girlfriend'. In the same way that it used to feel unfair at school when the whole class had to stay back because Craig Lyons called the teacher a whore and threw Quality Street at Rizwan, it feels all wrong to punish the people in society who are not idiots just because of the urinating-in-fountains-and-vomiting-in-doorways behaviour of people who are. Can't we differentiate between people who drink all night and then pass out at a bus stop covered in their own wee, and people who just have a couple of glasses of Merlot? Do the latter really have to give up their fun because the former exist?

But what REALLY gets my back up is that the Government is probably right to do this. Because at the end of the day, yes, we really are a nation of binge-drinking morons. I've worked all over the world and been through city centres in Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, most of Europe, Beijing, Singapore, Toronto, New York and many more places without seeing a shred of evidence that it's necessary to stop people enjoying booze late at night. Walk through Cardiff, Nottingham or Glasgow on a Friday night, though, and you'll agree in five minutes that it probably is. It may sound naive now that when the rule was changed to allow 24-hour drinking, the idea was to create 'a continental drinking culture', i.e. not killing each other. But was it really so crazy? No, it should have been perfectly realistic. But instead of using the extra time to drink in a more measured manner, we just - like the animals we are - went at it for longer, got drunker, and hit people more. The 24-hour drinking experiment has failed, in short, because people here do not understand how to drink.

This is pretty depressing. In this country we're bad at a lot of things, but we pride ourselves on being able to hold our liquor. It turns out we can't even do that: we can hold it for a bit, then throw up all over a policeman while wearing rabbit ears for Maria's crap hen weekend. We don't deserve the freedom we briefly have. We deserve to be ruled by Daily Mail readers. We can't behave, and that's the end of it. It makes me really bloody furious. Pass me that bottle of gin.


 Any comments?



Anonymous said...

You don't realise what cunts the English are until you live here. Kiwi in London.

Anonymous said...

That's for sure. They really are an arsehole of a race

Anonymous said...

About British assholes:

Luna de Bethencourt said...

Dear Kiwi in London, is way worse when you move out of London. at the end of the day London is full of people from everywhere so the english who live there are a bit more openminded. i just to like living here but then I moved for family reasons, as my huaband is english, first to wiltshire, then to somerset. I dont understand why everybody enjoys making your life more difficult, telling you off, and basically being a cunt. Leaving you notes on the car about how awfull your parking is cos it was a bit close to their bumper! ( lear to get out of tight spot!) people is rude, grumpy, and miserable, I hate the people in this country, there are some exceptions, not many tho. awfull awfull people

Anonymous said...

Totally agree 200%.

Anonymous said...

brits are the americants of europe---losers, loud mouthed, arrogant clowns.

Anonymous said...

americants and brits--match made in heave--rude, grumpy, miserable, and love playing with their phones

Anonymous said...

Actually most Americans are pretty polite, and optimism is practically their national pastime. A bit loud, yes, but honestly, not as loud as the Italians. Americans hold doors, honor their agreements, and help out simply to be helpful.

The Brits are just nasty fucking jerks, simply for the joy of it. Seriously, how did you guys manage to fool the world into thinking you were the country of manners and hard work? I've never met a ruder, lazier, more dishonest group of people in my life. Even the children are monsters. I can't wait to get my paperwork sorted and leave.

- Another expat in the UK who can't believe how awful people are here

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you ... and I'm British! :)

(I actually wrote the original article)

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