Monday, May 31, 2010

Way to go, Israel. You fucked up again!!!

There have been yet more mindless killings in this terrible conflict as Israeli forces stormed a Gaza aid ship last night. More than 10 people were murdered (I prefer the word 'murdered' to 'killed' in this instance) after Israeli commandos stormed a convoy of ships carrying aid to the Gaza Strip. Apparently, armed forces boarded the largest vessel clashing with some of the 500 people on board. This all took place about 40 miles (64 km) out to sea, in international waters. Israel says its soldiers were shot at and attacked with weapons (yeah, right!); the activists say Israeli troops came on board shooting (which sounds closer to the truth). Naturally, there has been widespread condemnation of the violence, while the European Union has called for an inquiry to establish what happened. Isn't it about time that Israel was stopped? Why does the world turn a blind eye to these atrocities? Okay, so certain Palestinian activists are not exactly the epitome of innocence. But how would you react if someone forced their way into your house and took over your home for over half a century?! What if the allies had lost the second world war and the Nazis had occupied Britain? Think about that for a while.

Why do humans feel the constant need to hurt, kill and destroy? What a stupid fucking species we are!

Saturday, May 29, 2010


If you want to pass your driving test, for fuck sake don't do this! There's no such thing as a three-point flip.

Indonesian baby smokes 40 cigarettes a day. What the ......!!!!!!!!

I've always been an avid news reader. I don't buy newspapers, though. I do all my news reading online. Of course, I don't believe most of the crap I read. And besides, almost all the news these days (come to think of it, this is the way it's always been) is devoted to wars and killing and disasters and the sex lives of film stars and sports celebrities (many of whom I've never heard of before and don't give a shit about) and corrupt politicians who get honoured by the queen for their corruptness when decent people like me get fuck all.

Anyway, I was reading a piece today about a toddler (I hate that fucking word) in Sumatra who's hooked on nicotine after being introduced to cigarettes by his brainless asshole father. Apparently, the little fat bastard (he really is) started smoking when he was 18 months old (he's now 3) and has severe tantrums when he doesn't get his 2 packs a day (spoilt little fuck!).

What really pissed me off, though (I personally don't give a fuck if he smokes himself to death) was the fact that the little brat and his stupid father were filmed on their patio in poverty-stricken Indonesia by someone (presumably a family member or friend) with a camcorder, who then put the fucking video on YouTube ... meaning that he (or she) also had a fucking computer and Internet connection! What the fuck!!! I can't even afford a fucking camcorder myself, and my Internet connection is as expensive as fuck and really crap at the same time.

And besides the camcorder and computer and Internet connection (presumably mobile), where does this moronic fuck and his family get the money to buy his kid 2 packets of cigarettes a day and enough food to turn him into an obese little turd?

The world's a fucking mess!

Friday, May 28, 2010

What the fuck! Sir Ian Blair and John Prescott made members of the House of Lords

I've rarely been so disgusted. No, that's far too mild. I've never been so absolutely fucking disgusted! I've just read on the BBC News website that John 'bulldog' Prescott and Sir Ian 'cover-up' Blair have just been made members of the House of Lords. What the hell is wrong with this country?!!! Who the fuck makes these stupid-ass decisions? If you recall, Ian Blair (I won't call him 'Sir' because he's a tosser) was commissioner at Scotland Yard in 2005 when the 27-year-old Brazilian, Jean Charles de Menezes, was mistaken for a suicide bomber and shot seven times by counter-terrorist officers on a Tube train in London. The victim's family said today that the former police chief's peerage was a "final slap in the face", and they are fucking right. It's repulsive to honour the man who was ultimately accountable for de Menezes' death, and for the lies he told and the cover-up he instigated afterwards. It's a fucking disgrace!

And Prescott? Words fail me!

And the House of Lords? What a bunch of archaic wankers!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Unfortunate accident

So I was driving along one day when this fucking great pebble hit my windscreen ...

Fuck me!!!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

NEWS FLASH: Confirmation that Britain is inhabited by mindless morons

I just read this news item by the Press Association: 


Teenagers attack air ambulance

My Neanderthal ancestor

This was my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather ... and he was more fucking intelligent that all the university students on the planet today. Fucking morons!

A quote by Stephen Hawking ... and one by me

Stephen Hawking: "Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on earth."

The Dog's Cojones: "Just because you surround yourself with books, doesn't mean you can read."

Fucking ace!

Monday, May 24, 2010

I hate babies and kids!

Have you every received one of those collective emails from some or other self-centered, naive fucking moron (whom you don't actually know and have never heard of before) informing you that he or she, or his or her fucking partner, or whatever, has just had a baby. What the fuck!!! My girlfriend just received one of those emails (don't continue reading if you don't want to throw up):


Hi Everyone,
You'll be delighted to know that our baby, Ugly Fuck, was born at approximately 10pm last night by c-section. She/he (we're not sure which, yet) weighs a whopping 193.28lbs and is 132.5in long (fucking hell!)
Ugly Fuck is doing fine, but we're exhausted, and we're both thrilled (yuck!) that things went smoothly enough (despite the baby weighing more than the mother!)
Lots are going on here since it's a national holiday (Saints Wank and Fuck Day) today and our families are at the house to make the traditional puke cakes that they give out in this part of the world when a baby's born. They've been frying for four hours and it looks like they have enough puke to fry for three hours more!
Many thanks for everyone's love and support  (Fuck you!)

We are currently residing in a small mansion overlooking the Mediterranean, so all money donations should be sent to the following adress: Villa Rich Fuck, Rich Fuck Drive, Rich Fuck Province, Rich Fuck RF1 1RF.


I fucking hate kids, so who gives a fuck!!!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Michael Clayton

Just watched Michael Clayton. Great movie. George Clooney is superb. You can't go wrong with a George Clooney movie. The only time you can go wrong with a George Clooney movie is when Brad Pitt's in it.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Just because you wear a dress, a silly hat, and you carry a lethal weapon, doesn't mean you're a woman ... or?

The pope is an asshole. There's no doubt about that. In fact, all popes are assholes (with the possible exception of Albino Luciani, whose reign in 1978 was cut short after only 33 days when he suddenly and mysteriously died). Come to think of it, he was pro birth control and was about to investigate the Vatican bank for corruption, so I suppose his untimely death wasn't that mysterious after all (hmmm!).

Anyway, as I was saying, the pope is an asshole. Not only did he fail to report pedophile priests to the police, his decrying of homosexual equality and the Embryo Bill are utterly repugnant. Without doubt, he should not be allowed into the UK where his visit will cost the tax payer well in excess of £40 million (and that's a conservative estimate).

I'm not a homosexual, but I believe in equality (in every way). For fuck sake, this is 2010, not the Middle Ages. The Roman Catholic church (together with many other religions) has been suppressing sexual equality, birth control, freedom of speech, scientific facts, medical research (that benefits human kind), logic and reason, free will and sheer common sense for a very long time.

It's bad enough that so many people feel the perverse need to get down on their knees in an act of submissiveness to a totally imaginary entity. It's even worse that that the leader of this odd cult (who used to be a member of the Hitler Youth, by the way) is invited (by the queen and the government) to tour the country he has just ridiculed and insulted with his archaic and absurd opinions.

And just a quick word to Opus Dei: If my words offend you, tough shit! It's all common knowledge anyway (assholes!).

I am going bald!

I am going bald. My girlfriend says that I'm not going bald. My girlfriend says that because I have a widow's peak, I will never go bald. Correction: My girlfriend says that if I were going bald, my widow's peak wouldn't be there any more.

I swear that if I go bald, I will kill myself many times over. Just wait and see!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Go ahead. Leave pieces of lung all over the window. See if I care!

I hate people who have sudden, violent coughing fits. Actually, I hate anyone who has one of those habitual, once-every-thirty-second coughs. It's so fucking annoying! But the worst types are those utter assholes - often fat, unhealthy looking people - who produce explosive, lung-ripping coughs that lasts for 2 or 3 minutes and come so completely out of the blue, without any warning at all, that you almost crap yourself with fright. Even worse are those fuckers who don't even cover their mouths. Filthy bastards! It happened to me on a tram in Germany last year. A large woman sitting adjacent to me suddenly produced the most extended, most exaggerated, most lung-tearing cough I've ever heard in my life. Coño! I was dozing off at the time, so I really did almost have a fucking heart attack! Thankfully, I lived to tell the tale. When I turned and snarled at her as I was getting off, she was too busy wiping some sort of greenish lung-looking substance from the window to notice my expression. I mean  ... fuck! Can you believe it!

It's coming, but don't hold your breath.

I'm not sure what to write now, but I'll think of something. As the old saying goes, buggers can't be choosers, so be patient. I say things that other people only dream of thinking, so it'll be worth the wait. For the time being, I'll leave you with something to ponder: The most unfortunate shape for a square is round.